New

There are so many things every Christmas that people seem to want. Its not just a commercial holiday though, its this time of year so many dream, wish and hope during. It's as if the story of Jesus and Santa Clause give people the mindset that you can get more right now then during the 4th of July.

I somewhat understand the whole wishing with Santa Clause, but come on people we all know that jolly ol' St Nick is way too busy checking the naughty or nice list and finishing his toy list to make sure world peace happens this year. What, too pessimistic? I'm sorry. I will elaborate I promise!

What I don't get is why people wish and pray for things so much around Christmas. I am guilty of it too, but it just all hit me today and I questioned my motives. I was thinking of my last few blogs and wishing that it could all be possible. Is there anything wrong with wishing? No! It's just I wouldn't have been wishing if it weren't Christmas time.

When you come from the Christian standpoint of Christmas, you immediately think of the nativity. I bet some of you have one set up on your fireplace mantle, or coffee table! They are always so neat to look at. They are a display of a humble gift that everyone has a chance to receive. It's the best gift of all time.

Reading in 1 Peter today gave me a sudden giddy feeling, like I had just won a million dollars and more! It talks about salvation, how it's a gift from God worth more than anything we could imagine here on earth. Now when you think of that as our gift at Christmas time, asking for anything or wishing for anything seems strange. If you believe in Christ and have Salvation through Him there is nothing in this world that could top that! So why do people try to? Well, happiness is the only way to answer that.

I love Christmastime! So before you start thinking oh here goes the rants of a happy holiday stealing Christian, let me follow up my previous statements with something more optimistic. You see the things that always made Christmastime are the feelings that seem to overwhelm you. A mindset that anything is possible, and a liberating sense that happiness surounds people allowing everyone to feel like they are free to wish, hope and dream without holding back. It's the holiday where people realize how much good there is in the world, and how much hope is alive through faith. A reminder that God is with us. Time to spend with family and friends to cherish the meaning of 'relationships'. Christmastime when thought of and appreciated brings happiness in a natural and unforced way. It's something that you can't just create on your own. After the presents are unwrapped, the food has been eaten, and "It's a Wonderful Life" airs for the last time people don't just assume their positions in life again, they think of how blissful it can be. That the extra things that we are given and don't deserve are all the sprinkles on top! Beautiful additions that allow us to be thankful and humbled at the beauty of it all.

My "realistic" Christmas List

Here's the list of items I would like to see under my tree. Keep in mind that even though the title says "realistic" I'm 100% positive that I will not be getting most of if not any of these items. :)

• a Singer professional sewing machine

• a Cannon professional camera (18+ megapixels)

• Large linen canvas'

• A Tiffany & Co. Locket Key necklace

Dear Santa, I'm sick of Barbies...

Dear Santa,

I want to live out my dreams next year! I want life to be as exciting as I dreamed it would be as a child. Traveling, singing, acting, meeting new people, learning something new everyday, simply put not to have a bucket list but instead day by day seizing every opportunity to make it count while enjoying every single second. 

When I was little I remember making a list filled with the new Barbie and dress up clothes. Then, I got older and it progressed to nice clothes for work, instruments, make-up, and cameras. Now, I look at all of that and I'm not disappointed in my choices for presents, I used the heck out of everything I've ever gotten. I was never one to open a present and let it go to waste, I never got too much more than I needed and I love new things. But this year instead of asking for something that is tangible, I really know what I want (which is a first, because, even though I asked for things before, I never really absolutely knew what I wanted). So what do I want? I'm not going to be all predictable and say love or anything gooshy like that. Nope, instead I'm going to open up and be serious. 

I want a chance. The chance to live a spectacular life that involves making others happy and that in turn I would be happy too! How perfectly wonderful would it be to wake up Christmas morning and have a check written with your name on the recipient line and 1,000,000,000 written in the amount box? Oh, and a note attached saying that it was all tax free? Would I spend it all on a house and cars, or luxury vacations? No way! My life would then consist of living on only what I needed, and making sure all of my close friends and family were just as comfortable. Then, I would constantly be in a mental state of Christmas year round, giving to families in need at random and just sharing the gift that I didn't deserve just as much as anyone else doesn't. I would constantly learn and put the money to use in that way. Learning all the things I've ever wanted. I would travel and meet new people. Live different places for a while because I want to experience the culture. That's spectacular. I want a chance at that!

So Santa, yes it's I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet, and I also know that you've got a budget with the economy the way it is and all, but maybe you could check that naughty or nice list 3 times this year? I'm sure you could make a few more cuts, at least that's what everyone else is doing. With all the extra money you'd save from giving those kids Xboxs, NintendoDSs, and the pony's those rich kids get, I'm sure you could give me my chance. 

I'm sure this isn't the first letter you've been written asking for a chance, or money. I've thought long and hard about it though! I believe that there's a way for me to achieve all of the goals I have in life and money really is the only shot I have at getting there. Stinks, and I wish money wasn't what made the world go round, but lets face it, it does. IF there's another way to achieve my goals you know where to find me. My new place doesn't have a chimney but there's a radiator like in the movie "The Santa Clause" so I think we're covered. Or you could always use the front door since it would be less of a hassle. 

Enjoy the rest of your Christmas planning and such. Tell ol' Rudolph I said hey! 

God Bless,

Amber

Ponder

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
-excerpt from The Declaration of Inependence

Its crazy how fast life shoots by us. Sometimes we want to speed through certain parts while other times we wish that we could just sit back and enjoy it. I've found lately that I'm content with the speed my life is traveling, but I'm not really sure why. There's a lot going on in my life yet it's consistent with the same problems, same joys, same hurts and pains.

I've become content with the knowledge that my life is going to happen the way it's been designed to, like everyone else's. That was philosophical I know ha. When I was a kid I remember always looking forward to getting older. I wanted to be an adult, have a job, get married, raise a family of my own and then just keep life rolling. It was what everyone did. It was the dream of being happy for the rest of my life by doing what everyone else said life should be.

In America we have this idea of the "American Dream". It's the idea that you can live your life to the fullest and achieve whatever you set your mind to. The idea that everyone has the opportunity to thrive financially, emotionally, and physically, but is it realistic? It can be. Here's a shocker, thriving in all of those ways doesn't mirror happiness, and yet happiness is what the "American Dream" was based upon.

Anyone and everyone can be happy but, I believe that happiness is something that you come realize is simple. It comes in soooooo very many different forms. Family can bring you happiness. Friends can bring you happiness. Jobs, Education, Wealth... these can all exhort some form of happiness. Back to the simplicity of it, with all of those things bringing happiness to people a good question would be 'Why are so many people unhappy?' Most people become accustom to the feeling of happiness and then start searching for it. It's not that it's not right in front of them, it's that they have a hard time believing it.

Take Hollywood for example. You have multi-millionaire public figures, actors, and actresses, who work to earn the lifestyle that is identical to the image of the "American Dream" and yet they overdose, get DUI and OWI's, divorce over and over again, and sometimes go bankrupt.

Is happiness even noticed anymore? Or has it become a work of overworked thought? Simplifying it down to the idea that you can find it [happiness] everywhere, it's abundant in number, and yet it is priceless. That's what true happiness is.

Being Beautiful

My mind is racing through a million different subjects trying to figure out why I am on here typing. The title "Being Beautiful" I guess is what I should explain. So here I go.

You know how people always tell you to be yourself, not to let anyone judge you, don't listen to other people? The crazy part of all that jazz is the fact that when it comes to 'being yourself' people let the judgement of other people define who they are supposed to be. Take popular artists and people in the limelight for example. They are constantly fitting the mold that we make for them. Singing songs that we want to hear, acting out parts that we want to see. I don't know about you, but I never want to be like that. I would much rather freehand life than have it drawn out for me.

I love to paint. My paintings sometimes resemble some form of Picasso artwork, but all the same I get to stand back and look at it and say "I did that!" Making things look like Picasso may not sound like an accomplishment to some, but when you think about all of the people who are too afraid to pick up a paintbrush and just paint, well I made a huge accomplishment.

I'm not afraid to try things (as long as I'm not in any form of danger that would cause me to break a bone,  die, or end up in a penitentiary). No, even then sometimes I tend to be daring. But why not? I think it would be awesome if I were to die skydiving or something crazy and then when I'm walking through heavens gates Michael the arch angel says to me, "I give it a 10!" Ok so that's wishful thinking, but still awesome! Death doesn't phase me, my biggest fear is pain. After seeing loved ones pass and people go through horrible sicknesses I just have developed this fear of being in that situation. But trying things that wont get me sick, I'm all about.

So what does all of this have to do with Being Beautiful? Well, beauty is a huge question mark. Why? Because everyones see's beauty differently.

Do you want honesty?

So this is where I am today...

I've lived 21 years of my life so far. I've had 3 last names. The thing I've known the longest is music. I'm going back to school in the spring for music and possibly theatre. I talk a lot. The place I feel the most comfortable is the stage. I've been married, and then separated myself from it. I have loved. I have felt every emotion but hate. Sincerely, right now I feel alone. My entire life I've been taught to follow the path of Christianity, to know God and have a relationship with Him through His son Jesus who speaks through the Holy Spirit. In my entire life I have probably only missed 4 weeks without attending church in some form. The faith I've come to call my own is that of forgiveness, truth, compassion, and unconditional love. All of this combined has brought me to a point where I am confused by my life.

How could someone who was brought up in the way I have been and have all the things that I do feel alone? My entire life I have heard the words "I just don't understand you" and been completely crushed and frustrated by them. Many times people ask me to repeat myself, most often then not I reply with a quick "No!" Why am I so sharp? Because I know I am of no importance. That anything I say or do isn't in the slightest significant nor will it matter in the long run. I say that because no one in my entire life has done anything to show me otherwise. Of course I've been told differently, who hasn't? But when you get down to the nitty gritty of what everyone needs, I believe its what I have defined as my faith.

Forgiveness, Truth, Compassion, and Unconditional Love. They are all things I know exist. I've been shown several of them at different points in time in my life, but I've never seen it in its purest form whole and complete. I've never seen faith.

People think for some reason that faith is the same as acceptance. The only problem I find with that is that faith pushes people to change, to become better. Where acceptance allows the person to stay the same. Is change necessary? Whether or not its necessary doesn't matter, the fact is: It's inevitable. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, 2 years ago, 1 year ago, or even 5 mins ago. I've changed, and will continue to change. Things will become different to me as I continue to get older. Decisions will be made on my part that will alter everything about me.

Why does any of this matter? Because in all honesty the reason I feel alone, is because people allow their ignorance to keep them from having faith in me. To keep them from knowing that I am who I am in this moment and I can't change that; however, I can change who I will be in the next.

All I want is for people, or even one person, to realize that I've made mistakes, I need you to forgive them. I wont always know whats right, I need you to tell me whats true. I wont always have the strength and other things I will need, so I need you to show me compassion. And honestly, I wont always love, but I need you to show me it unconditionally.

I know my needs. God does all that, but he also knew that when He created Adam, he would feel alone because he needed a companion. My companion needs to show me that they're willing to be what I need. I am done fighting the fact that I long for companionship. That I've never had that. I need someone who finds they needs to make me feel like I'm the only person in the room. Who needs to love me because without that specific need they wouldn't feel complete. I need someone who see's eye to eye on practically every topic. Who's humble enough to admit when they're wrong, but strong enough to stand their ground when they knows they're right. I know those are my needs because I've done all of that before for someone else and never received it back. Companionship is mutual, not consensual. I will not settle any longer.

I want someone to need me, and not just say its so, but show it. That's what I'm looking for.

Unity... WHAT HAPPENED?

Stained glass artwork is beautiful. There are so many different pieces that come together and create such a beautiful piece of art. Some are so intricate that it takes years to build, not to mention to create the whole piece in its entirety takes a ton of thought and inspiration. 

So tonight I thought I was done blogging, but I got to thinking and the verse Acts 2:42 popped into my head, which is: 

  "They devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer." (NIV)

The first thing I thought was "It's so simple!" Why I thought that? Well I don't know. I think it's because they did 4 things and that's just it, church was simple. And then, I wondered why they did those 4 things, and who 'they' where? So I did the logical thing, ran to my laptop, typed in 'they devoted' into Google and followed the search engine to biblegateway.com where I found Acts 2. I read through the entire chapter and cried. Amazed by the circumstance, I sat back and decided to get on here and throw all that was on my mind into a blog. 

Confession, this is not the first time I have read through chapter 2 Acts, and that's why I was amazed by how hard it hit me tonight. You see, this past month or more (I guess I could just say a for a pretty long time) I have been dwelling on the idea of 'church'. The background of how it all got started wasn't anything new to me, but the present state of the church always confused me. Let's look at the facts of the present church:

• most Christians go to church (some non-Christians do as well)
• it's usually on a Sunday (some have services on Saturday, and the popular Weds)
• There's a pastor who's usually the go to guy (the guy in charge)
• Services tend to have the same order; worship, greeting, offering, message, end worship/leaving music
• there's usually music involved
• sometimes there are small groups or different meetings you can attend to be 'apart of the church' throughout the week

The biggest fact that I personally have an issue with is: There are 33000+ different denominations of the Christian Church (as noted by the Christian Encyclopedia). That's 33000+ arguments that Christians have among themselves. Now, if I were a non-believer that fact alone would turn me away. There are enough things in everyday life that I don't agree with why add 33000+ more to my plate? In our society/world today people throw the idea of 'acceptance' around as if by accepting things we are somehow showing love. So if I'm a non-believer to the idea of Christianity, by that fact alone makes me think that Christians do not love. I mean common!... with that amount of division and arguments something has got to be wrong! Truthfully if the world even considers that type of division wrong, that says something. 

So back to the passage in Acts 2. The part that made me cry was in verse 44: 

  "All the believers were together and had everything in common." (NIV)

That is so powerful. Really. If you go back up to verse 41 you see that there were roughly 3,000 or so people. 3,000 people who were united and had everything in common. Where did we go wrong? Why is it that we are so divided now? That same verse states that those 3,000 people came about in 1 day! AND it didn't stop there, verse 46 states:


 "And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."(NIV) 


He 'added to' which means that they didn't break off and do there own thing after hearing about Christ, but they continued to grow and fellowship with the 3,000. 

Verse 40:

  "Then Peter continued preaching for a long time, strongly urging his listeners, "Save yourselves from this crooked Generation!" " (NLT)

This verse made me think. What if we've spiraled backward? There's a crooked generation all around us. People claiming they know the truth, that they have what is right. Forgive me if I'm wrong but 33,000 or more arguments in Christianity doesn't sound at all like what God intended His followers to be like. Togetherness, having everything in common, doing life with each other everyday, that's what the church used to look like. So my question is this: IF we are the church, WHEN will we start acting/looking like the real deal? and Have we really come this far to where we've placed our personal opinions above God's desire for HIS creation? 

It's your turn to read through Acts 2. Are you seeing what God sees? I think He wants to see a beautiful piece of stained glass, not the broken pieces we've created. 

Acts 2 (NIV)

The Holy Spirit Comes at Pentecost

1 When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place.2 Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting.3 They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them.

4 All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. 5 Now there were staying in Jerusalem God‑fearing Jews from every nation under heaven.6 When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard them speaking in his own language.7 Utterly amazed, they asked: “Are not all these men who are speaking Galileans?8 Then how is it that each of us hears them in his own native language?9 Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia,10 Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome11 (both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and Arabs–we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!”

12 Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, “What does this mean?” 

13 Some, however, made fun of them and said, “They have had too much wine.” 

Peter Addresses the Crowd

14 Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd: “Fellow Jews and all of you who live in Jerusalem, let me explain this to you; listen carefully to what I say.15 These men are not drunk, as you suppose. It's only nine in the morning!

16 No, this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel: 

17 ” ‘In the last days, God says, 
I will pour out my Spirit on all people. 
Your sons and daughters will prophesy, 
your young men will see visions, 
your old men will dream dreams. 

18 Even on my servants, both men and women, 
I will pour out my Spirit in those days, 
and they will prophesy. 

19 I will show wonders in the heaven above 
and signs on the earth below, 
blood and fire and billows of smoke. 

20 The sun will be turned to darkness 
and the moon to blood 
before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord. 

21 And everyone who calls 
on the name of the Lord will be saved.’ 22 “Men of Israel, listen to this: Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know.23 This man was handed over to you by God's set purpose and foreknowledge; and you, with the help of wicked men, put him to death by nailing him to the cross.24 But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him.

25 David said about him: 
“ ‘I saw the Lord always before me. 
Because he is at my right hand, 
I will not be shaken. 

26 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; 
my body also will live in hope, 

27 because you will not abandon me to the grave, 
nor will you let your Holy One see decay. 

28 You have made known to me the paths of life; 
you will fill me with joy in your presence.’ 29 “Brothers, I can tell you confidently that the patriarch David died and was buried, and his tomb is here to this day.30 But he was a prophet and knew that God had promised him on oath that he would place one of his descendants on his throne.31 Seeing what was ahead, he spoke of the resurrection of the Christ, that he was not abandoned to the grave, nor did his body see decay.32 God has raised this Jesus to life, and we are all witnesses of the fact.33 Exalted to the right hand of God, he has received from the Father the promised Holy Spirit and has poured out what you now see and hear.

34 For David did not ascend to heaven, and yet he said, 
“ ‘The Lord said to my Lord: 
“Sit at my right hand 

35 until I make your enemies 
a footstool for your feet.” ’ 

36 “Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.” 

37 When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” 38 Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

39 The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off–for all whom the Lord our God will call.” 40 With many other words he warned them; and he pleaded with them, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.”

41 Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. 

The Fellowship of the Believers

42 They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.43 Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.44 All the believers were together and had everything in common.45 Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts,

47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.